Wednesday, March 19, 2008


Name a time when you have felt out of place or uncomfortable?

Ha ha, Seriously? I always feel out of place and uncomfortable. I was born and raised hear in Rochester N.Y. I practically lived in the United States my entire life. I stood up and and put my hand over my heart and recited the pledge of the legence every day in elementary school. I watched the superbole and sang the national anthem,every time, just like every one else in the U.S. does. I was born and raised on the same street (Conkey Ave), same house (adress # 43), and Iv'e sleeped in the same room my whole life and have never had a problem. I never used to practice my religion because i never knew about it. But when i started going to the mosque to learn it's like i converted to islam. I began to pray and where the sacrf and now that i do, i am treated like out cast. I wear long sleeves and pants and a scarf all the time as part of my culture. In the summer peoople ask me stupid questions like, "aren't you hot with those on," or "eeeww how could you wear something like that on your head all the time?" The problem is not that they wonder, the problerm is the way they ask, and the fact that they don't think before they speak. Hundreds and thousands of years ago people use head dresses to survive the heat in the desert area and stay cool, and plus most scarfs arent thick they are very light, and some are silky, so the wind blows through it. And yet people still ask me "doesn't it get hot under there?" No, no it never does it keeps me cool in the summer, warm in the winter, and dry when it rains. so what more do you want to know? I began to feel most like an outcast after september 11, this is the area in my life that had the biggest impact on me. Afte 9/11 occured every thing changed. I would go places and get insulted. "Terrorist, go back to your own country. We don't need more of you here." They would say things like that and even worse sometimes. I didn't understand, this is my country.Once, I said hi to the little kids that moved in across the street. I got a horrible responce, "oh great of all places to move she moved us near terrorists." Honestly my jaw hit the floor 10 times and then closed again.They laughed and teased, so i kept going. Do you have any idea what it's like for me to go for a ride in a car and role my window down. I get middle fingers, I get called names,I get spit at, things get thrown at me, and again I also get shouted at. Like other kids my age, i go to the mall to go for a walk and go shopping. But i wish i could do this with out being stared at, gawked at, laughed at, talked about, threatened, and again "Go back to your country." Sometime i want to leave the state and get away. But i can't even get on a plain with out being seen and stopped at security, or they make up an excuse to delay the plane like oh the piollets seat broke or there was a spill. All because I am muslim and they can see that. Oh and when i finally do get on a can feel every ones eyes burning an enormous hole in my face. On the day of 9/11/2001 I was sitting in class like every one else. I wasn't the one who crashed the plane. Why should I be taunted and hurt for someone elses actions. Its not fair. It really isn't. At times like the ones I mentioned I want to turn around and hit them. I want to wrap my long fingers around there neck and strangle them until their eyes pop out. But most times I want to scream. So my mom puts her hand upon my shoulder and looks deep in to my anger filled eyes, and she tells me to let it go. One time at the mall when we were walking some old lady and her daughter wre making fun of the way muslims pray. I wanted to ram my foot down her throat, I wanted to scream.But my mom put her hand on my soldier and said let it go. I make terrorist jokes about my self sometimes, to forget how much it hurts when other people do it. And they do do it. So i stopped, but they didn't, and I will never forget that. I liek when older people smile at me, because the 1% of 100,000 people that actually do, make me feel alot better about the situation. It gives hope that not every one out there is ignorant. I often make it hard for people to be friends with me because I'm afraid it will turn out bad in the end. This is the reason why I have little pacients, a bad temper, I try to keep at home, why I often don't listen. It's because i can only take so much crap from all these people and I know that i won't be able to control my self, and i desperately try to stay away from regrets. I am OUTCAST...

Society has to have outcasts because if they con't they will get bored with there lives. I wish society can one day walk in the shoes of the many outcasts in this world. so they can see how much it hurts to be who we are and what we look like. Instead of making us feel like we belong, they make us want to run away, and never come back. I believe that away from here, a place for rebels, outcasts, untouchables, and uncomfortables to be free. To become there own society. That way they would all be normal, and they would all keep there pasts in the present to think before they hurt or cause hurt the way people bestowed it on them. We, outcasts, we can all be a family. A real and true 'free country'.An outcast is someone who is ostracized by society. An out cast... is me.

1 comment:

kameelah said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.